A little disclaimer: I've never said any of these things in front of family members, friends or witnesses. Only to police officers and the transport people.
1. "No. I'm not a doctor. But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."
2. "Wow! That had to hurt."
3. "Aww. Look at all the cute little buggies."
4. "What's for lunch?"
5. "Yep. He's dead."
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